8.07.2008

I Wanted To Belive... in the Russians (The X-Files review concluded)


The X-files I want to believe.

In this update in the lives of Fox Moulder and Dana Scully, two F.B.I. agents who investigate the government’s “X-Files” – unexplained cases that deal with the paranormal, we are faced with a very different dynamic duo than the team we loved all those years ago.

Stating the obvious everyone’s older but still wildly attractive. The two are not agents anymore they are lovebirds in a shack in the middle of nowhere. Moulder obsesses over old x-files and sits in his office taping news clippings to bulletin boards and not shaving. Scully, cleaner shaven; is a surgeon for a Catholic hospital and specialises in brain surgery. Since we are introduced to the two being together already, one of the most enjoyable aspects of the original series is out of the race before it even starts. The almost punishing amount of sexual tension the show had is thrown out the window. In its place are tedious lover quarrels that are constantly reaching the edge of break up. It doesn’t sell because it is constant throughout the entire film and used as a ploy to build tension and character relation but, the filmmakers should give some of us more credit. Those who know Moulder and Scully don’t need to be privy to this inane banter that runs itself in circles and for those who don’t may be thinking “if these two have been together for almost ten years how come in every sentence they refer to each other by their last names?”

The plot (or lack thereof) is a complete paradox. Two Russian men have abducted an F.B.I. woman in Alaska. An old priest, who is also a convicted pedophile (great turn by Billy Connelly), helps the F.B.I. track down the woman because he’s a psychic. Moulder and Scully are called in to see if this priest is the real deal, as they have had some run-ins with psychics in the past. As it turns out the two Russians are a married couple, one of whom has cancer. Turns out in Russia they do these black listed operations where they use other people’s body parts and use them to replace your sick body parts, leaving you with a result that makes you look a little like Frankenstein. Sounds neat in theory only this process is never explained or never really shown to the viewer, and better yet Scully happens upon the evil plot through Google. Where things get grey is who the Russians target to be these new body parts, or rather who the not sick Russian targets. He targets women; the explanation here is they have a rare blood type that his dying husband needs, but still there is something creepy about him being so gung ho about sewing up his husbands head on a woman’s body as he literally whispers to him “soon you will have a perfect body”.

Where everything falls apart for this film is the complete lack of care taken with the story. First off our heroes have been completely stripped of any of their relevance for them to be in the story. Gone are the days of the incredibly smart medical doctor Scully who performed all the autopsies and could administer impromptu surgeries if need be. Now Scully has become a doctor who has to Google stem cell research in order for her to prepare a life endangering brain surgery on a child. Moulder has lost his sly sense of humour and all his detective skills are completely lost. Instead everything falls in his lap, for example he’s at a crime scene and before everyone walks away he looks down and finds a missing woman’s medical bracelet that blows the case wide open. The secondary characters except Billy Connelly’s priest are some of the most annoying background characters in recent memory. The other two new F.B.I. agents are played by Amanda Peet (who wears her shirts way too unbuttoned) and Xzibit (who is devoid of any meaning other than a seat fuller for Pimp My Ride fans). Two amazing thespians who give the script such justice that it drove me to the brink of contemplating suicide or at least asking for a refund.

The one positive thing there is to say about this film is that the photography of it is beautiful. Some of these shots are breathtaking. It’s all shot in Vancouver in the winter, mostly in the mountains and it is because of this that the whole film comes off as incredibly beautiful.

Cinematography is not enough to save a bad film and this one just gets your confidence shaken. This film somehow manages to be invalid to diehard fans of the series, casual fans, and new comers. It simply has nothing for anybody willing to take it in. Which is a shame, it would have been nice to see a good sci-fi thriller that could appeal to the masses while still being a completely enjoyable film for the geeks. I’m not too hardcore a fan, I am currently watching the whole series over and enjoying it immensely and any trace of what was a show that dealt with government conspiracy, fascism, redemption, love, courage, doppelgangers, aliens, bees, democracy, (and in that order I might add) has been smeared in favour of a film with a message that has something to do with confused Russian homosexuals, stem cell research, religion, and pedophiles.

During the film’s production its plot was kept in complete secrecy. Fake photos were leaked on the net including ones of a bad ass looking werewolf. It was kept so secret that those in anticipation thought they were in for something fantastic. Why keep something so secret right? Not like you could keep something so bad so secret. Well with I Want to Believe Chris Carter has done something quite impressive. He has made a film that is such a paradox to me that it is its own X-file.

Remember Trust No One especially Chris Carter.