Sacha Baron Cohen's much-hyped stink-bomb Bruno tanked in its opening week at the box office, the result we're told, of the dreaded and newly-minted “Twitter Effect”. Apparently, twittering-type people twittered one another en mass and suggested (in just 140 characters or less) that the movie sucked the big dong and needed to be avoided. Wow. Thank God for Twitter. Billions of people might not have known otherwise and gone to the multiplex unaware that Bruno actually sucked ass. The other reason bandied about to explain why Bruno went right in the hole seems to relate to a previously unknown (but obviously deep-seated) homophobic bent amongst movie-goers. Who knew?
What a load of fucking rubbish.
Back 7 months ago, before anyone had even heard of the colossal waste of human effort we now know as Twitter, everyone just talked to one another and passed on their thoughts about things like... you know … the movies we recently saw, for example. A pre-Twitter conversation might have gone something along these lines.
“Hey seen any good movies lately?”
“Well, I saw Bruno but it completely sucked. I wouldn't waste your time going to see it.”
“Hmmmm... I just don't trust those homosexuals anyways. Thanks for the heads-up”
“Yes. How about a reach around?”
Yes Virginia, there was pre-Twitter communication. It may have been incoherent, messy, and full of awkward pauses, but people managed to exchange ideas and thoughts even way back then. Thoughts like “that movie was absolute trash” and “this gypsy acid jazz/gospel choir from Dubai totally rocks” were discussed using our mouths, vocal chords and ears.
Twitter Effect?..... give me a fucking break. What if the movie was just awful and nobody liked it because... it was just awful. Could it be that simple? This homophobic excuse is also just too stupid for words. Catwoman may have been the worst superhero movie ever (other than Daredevil, but that goes without saying) but I didn't hate it because I don't like cats, black women or black women dressed in skintight patent leather pant/bra ensembles with cute little cat hats, 6 inch stilettos and a whip... actually, rather the opposite is true. I'm fond of cats. Catwoman didn't tank because the audience was full of racists and cat-haters, it tanked because it sucked huge and was directed by a French dickhead with one name.
Bruno will do big numbers on DVD. We'll have to go deep, Joe. Maybe even Freddie Got Fingered deep.