...and I was right. The critics nailed this one. It is cheesy and ludicrous, all special effects and no soul. It's also the most spectacular, ass-kicking, fun-ride I've seen since Speed Racer. 2012 isn't supposed to be a great film, it's just supposed to entertain us and on this level, it simply knocked my socks off. Emmerich pulled out all the stops and after an opening half hour of stern, scientific-head-nodding with all sorts of murmurs like, “....but neutrinos can't affect matter. Well they are.” (Cue concerned scientist looks), the final 2 hours is absolutely insane. Everything gets destroyed. Every landmark and recognizable world city (except Toronto, so it seems we're not world class after all dammit) is split in half, torched and swallowed up by Mother Earth. You go girl. Here's what she did to Vegas for example....
2012 is 2013 times more satisfying than the gooey and insufferable Avatar, with all of its holistic planetary connectivity and hand-holding horseshit. The Mother Earth in 2012 is a fiery galactic bitch set on wiping the slate clean and starting all over again. Now there's an uppity interstellar mass I can get behind.
On a side note, the “goofs” section for 2012 on IMDb.com is 3073(!) words long and includes things like....
"Revealing mistakes: In the movie, neutrinos interact with the earth's core and cause temperature to rise. But, since they come from the sun, the first matter they should interact with is the water in the oceans, and as result our oceans should start to boil. For some undeclared reason in the movie, only the earth's core interacts with them."
That people seriously stew about things like this constantly amazes me. (....they're "microwaves"... you retard....) Around the middle of the movie, Yellowstone National Park goes nuclear with the largest volcanic explosion in history and rather than the initial shock wave instantly vapourizing the onlooking Woody Harrelson, he's gently knocked over and then pops right back up again. And you're going to get worked up about neutrino science? Ridiculous. (Rest assured that the plant-eating-vegan-do-gooder Harrelson gets it large a few minutes later when he's crushed under 2 acres of flying mountain top. YES! Nice one, Roland.)
All in all, I'd say 2012 was $250,000,000.00 well spent. If there was a Most Ridiculous Movie award at the Oscars, Avatar would still win it, but Roland would have definitely got the nomination he deserved. If you want the ultimate in cheesy Emmerich goodness, however – run the alternate ending and treat yourself to an impossibly-happy Hollywood ending to a film where 6 billion people just got flash-fried. Too, too fabulous. I squirted Coke right out my nose and nearly choked to death as I watched. I swear to God.