To Jesus, With Love and Respect

Dear Ted Neeley,

I’ll start by just saying that Jesus Christ Superstar is by far one of my favourite musicals. Your portrayal of Jesus perfectly complimented the rock opera’s need for a strong, passionate voice and you killed that scene in the temple.
However, you are 65 now. 65! That’s more than TWICE the age that Jesus even lived to be. Watching you on stage last month was… odd, for lack of a better word. My image of Jesus has never contained a beer belly or knees so old and weak he couldn’t kneel and pray. Perhaps the reason why you’re character has “tried for three years” and it “feels like thirty” is because it HAS been thirty years and you’re just too old to remember them. Sure you can still hit some of those strong notes but the audience wasn’t clapping with you, they were clapping at you, astonished that you could still pull it out once per act, cheering you on like when our 90-year-old grandmothers blows out their 3 birthday candles after 15 minutes of trying and one near fainting. And since when is Jesus a total lecher? That Mary Magdalene has got to be a third of your age you sly old dog. And I won’t even make the obvious jokes about you “crucifying” the role during your 10 minute long death scene.

I love you Neeley, but let’s just say that I think it’s time you retired your robe and sandals.


Sincerely,

Chandles