On July 11th, the Apple iPhone 3G will be released in Canada.
I know this because Apple and Google emailed me to tell me this... three times so far. I also know this because the marketing juggernaut that is Apple has brought the full intensity of its carpet bombing marketing machinery to bare on us to mark the occasion. The trouble (for them) is.... I'm immune. iDon'tGiveaShit. Google went as far as to “personalize” 230,000,000 webpage hits for me, ME! when I searched “iPhone 3G” AND they did it in 0.13 seconds. Thanks Google! If I properly researched these webpages and looked at each for roughly 15 seconds, I'd be 154 years old when I got done, far too old to operate a phone without hurting myself. Are you beginning to see what I'm getting at here? We are surrounded by things that have no real value. 230 iPhone search hits are too many, let alone 230,000,000. We're being treated like clowns here because we turning into clowns. Just how much TV are you going to watch on your iPhone? It's “widescreen” (like that means anything on something that's just under 3 inches wide).
Ever since I tuned out of the world of broadcast/cable television, I've noticed that I don't care about marketing. It may be just coincidental with the no-cable thing, but I'm fascinated that stuff that would have intrigued me 3 years ago, doesn't anymore. It's funny, we've stopped marketing the stores too.... and we're busier. The iPhone 3G is a handsome product and they'll sell millions of units to be sure, just none to me....because as I said, iDon'tGiveaShit. I know I don't need a $900 phone and no amount of marketing is going to change my mind. You see, the thing is... none of us do. It's just a stupid hunk of bling to play with while your ridiculously empty life slips away on you. It makes far more sense to get a sheep, a point I'll come to below.
I feel released, cleansed and whole, even without an iPhone 3G, actually more accurately, because I'm not going to get an iPhone. I'm thinking 3 “G”'s just aren't enough. I don't want to talk to anyone on a cellphone, let alone on a $900 iPhone 3G. There's a $3000 gold iPhone on eBay which might explain the 3G moniker a little better. If you're so stupid that the $900 price tag doesn't sway you, why not upgrade to the $3G 3G? I'm beginning to think of iPods and iPhones as the tattoos of the electronic world. Once, when only a few knobs sported tattoos, there was a individual uniqueness to them. The smell of a little devil-may-care rough-and-tumble sailor attitude wafted through the air as they passed. Now, everyone has one and they look like inked sheep with white earphones. Individualists Unite! ...as they say.
If you feel the aching need to buy an iPhone, knock yourself out. They come in black and white, just like sheep. The monthly service contract with Rogers will run you around $60 with a 3 year no-exit contract. Total costs? $900 for the phone and $2100 for the contract and Viola!... 3G's.
By the way, I checked what a brand new sheep cost on Google... $25.00 ($30 for a pretty one, delivered) 22,231 hits. It costs about $90 per year to feed and makes a great pet. You can talk to it, go dancing, make a sweater together, have a true friend and then kill and eat it and all for about $300 over three years. I mean, it's not even close... You could have a whole flock of sheep for about the price of an iPhone. Imagine strutting down Roncey with your fuzzy homeys. Totally unique, very hip.
But how would you keep in touch with them when you were at work? I gotta work on that.
Sporgy.
3 comments:
funny, today i was out on a walk with a friend of mine. and the subject of tattoos came up. and for me i feel like i've always wanted one. we got to arguing about what i would get and where and then when that became heated it turned into a conversation about what it means to get a tattoo today. it means absolute dick. everybody has one. never mind that the tattoos i have in mind for myself would be very pretty and accurately display my inner beauty and love for wacky t-shrits.
i also have an ipod. so maybe i should just nose dive into the shit. get a bunch of tats and tighter pants and new shoes and walk like i'm the shit.
sad tho, that for some reason i want these things. the same thigns that most other people want. i think the beauty or the real sad thing of the whole fucker is that i feel lesser than the people with ipods and tats. not that their better than me just that i don't feel as secure. as cool, as pretty as all these damn people.
i pride myself on being myself. for the most part. just weird i find myself veering towards trends and wanting certain materialistic things. honestly fuck iphones, but have you play mariokart for the wii!? it comes with a steering wheel and is just about the funniest things you can do without pooing your pants. - anyways, i'm just confused about my own wants and needs and feel like a robot when those are the same as many others.
indivdualism indeed be damned. i think if i let my true colours show i'd be at work everyday with a white suit on speaking in a heavy spanish accent and being suave to the ladies. but since that doesn't get you laid it's back to the drawing board on what tattoo i want.
maybe like a dragon eating a sheep.
oh by the by, i had no idea sheeps were so cheap. i think we should pool together and get one. keep it in the store. the film buff sheep. our own little mascot.
you can also....you know.....with a sheep.
and kris, it's "sheep" like "fish" or "deer" or "moose" - not "sheeps". they're not "peeps".
Rico - Of all the youthful-type people I know, you are the one I worry about the least. Sure, you'll probably buy a bunch of crap you don't need, we all do. What are you going to do with all that cartel cocaine and banana money if not blow it on a little bling and a bad forehead tattoo of a blue whale blowing a bottledicked dolphin with "Love U Ma" scrawled across the naughty bits? Relax man. If you get anymore individual, I'm going to have to keep you in the back so you don't show the rest of us up.
Colieo... Kadas was talking about more than one sheep, in fact maybe he even had several sheeps in mind. If I recall, he said nothing about fishes, meese, deers or oxes. Try to pay attention. If we're moving too fast here, start your own fucking blog. That way you could have two blog.
Sporgy
Post a Comment