Strange Days

A strange day today. The humans seemed prone to the oddest actions all day long. I happened to be at the FBW around noon today (unlike say.....Kendall) installing the second of our new cash drawers and as we unlocked the front door and flipped the open sign over, a man wandered in and bee-lined it for the ice cream counter. He then asked Virginia if he was the first ice cream customer of the day. How do you answer that? He saw us unlock the door – it's clear glass and he was just on the other side of it. I was tempted to say “no”, just to take any pleasure of being first at something away from him. Nick rescued me, I left to help a friend move some furniture, and then back to Segredos until 7pm tonight.

In the afternoon, I responded to a complaint emailed about some FBE staff curmudgeon who wouldn't let a pregnant women use her gift certificate monies for an ice cream. What a bunch of pricks I said. I suggested she leave the hipster-wanna-be-dredges of Leslieville and move to a real hipster neighbourhood like Roncey. Not only would we let her use her gift certificates for ice cream at the FBW but that we also covered hair styling, takeout sushi and dog grooming at participating local retailers.

It was pretty steady on video most of the evening. A guy asked if “Manderplank”, a German film he spied on the new wall earlier in the week, had been returned. Rather than try and figure out what he was after I simply said.... “no”. Somebody named Sylwia Ducka called. Seems we've been pestering her about returning a movie she claims she never rented and in an effort to stop us, she was calling to tell us to stop calling. I mentioned that we'd stop calling when she brought our movie back and that of the 8 movies she had rented from the FBW she'd now lost 2 of them. She asked if she could close her account but I had already done so. I mentioned I'd likely have a better year financially now that she was no longer a customer. She didn't get it because her name is Sylwia Ducka. I should have asked her if she had Manderplank too.

The FBW's second most annoying customer came wandering up to the counter about 9pm and mentioned that the new Karate Kid movie was just fantastic. Had I seen it? My response – Nope and there's not nearly enough time remaining on my game clock to invest the 98 minutes it would take to watch it. She seemed unhappy that I wouldn't play along.

Not playing along seems to be my new mantra. I just can't stomach mollycoddling the endless parade of hipster clowns and aging yuppies seem to expect that from the world. They're like dogs rolling over and presenting their bellies to be scratched. Sorry but rub your own belly, buddy. The West-end's most annoying customer showed up for ice cream at about 9:30pm. She used to be a complete souse, but seems to have that under control lately. I hid in the back until she left because she always wants to chat like we're old drinking buddies. Back in the day, I'm pretty sure she never knew she was in a video store and probably assumed she was talking to me at the Intersteer or something, so in a way we kinda are old drinking buddies.

Instead of listening to 4 hours of Joey-programmed hiphop, I noted the play list on Grooveshark was called “Scott Friendly”. It was all old Robert Johnson and Mississippi John Hurt blues tunes from the 30's. The music I listened to back on the bayou back when I was a little chitlin'. I'd love to spend an hour in Joey's head and perceive the world like she does, just for a little bit. I'll betcha it's fabulous. With my luck I'd probably get stuck in one of her alt-ctrl-del coma moments and I'd just black out with my eyes wide open.

We all agreed that Michael Cera is moving quickly from adorable to creepy.
Will Smith's devil spawn must be stopped before the inevitable Karate Kid sequel.
At least Gary Coleman's dead.
It's a start.  


Britarded said...

After the rubbish football, that just made my day.

the coelacanth said...

haha i just noticed "Spogey".

Britarded said...

I was thinking (I know right?!), it must've been Van der Valk?
Incidentally, I too have taken an emotional nosedive as of late due to this unstemmable flow of turgid cream cretins smearing their greasy clubbed digits on the glass. It's not a day at the park is it? I've got a new buff flavour for you, 'Arsenic and old lace - it's to die for!' I'll be in touch with the dairy to get the ball rolling on this one.