Just Five Things About Serving Ice Cream...

5. Parents who force their children who actually haven't learned to speak English yet. order their own ice cream when there is a line-up out the door.
Hoisting the child in the air, with the little creature invariably leaving his DNA all over the glass, the parent encourages the child:
"Tell the man what kind of ice cream you want?"
Kid looks at you, then looks away in shyness because even it knows how ridiculous this is going to be.
Parent insists:
"Go on, tell the man what kind of ice cream you want."
Finally, after the child has been air-lifted for a matter of minutes by its crotch, it opens its mouth:
And then the parents looks at you as if you should understand.

4. Questioning the Pricing.
"Can I try the Crunchy Frog?"
"Hmmm.... (looking around) Can I try the Watermelon?"
"Of course."
"Hmmm... Oh that's sweet. What's in the Peanut Butter Chocolate?"
"Excuse me?"
"Can I get a baby scoop in a waffle cone with two flavours?"
"Why not?"
"Because it costs 3.25 to get two flavours, and an extra fifty cents to get the Waffle cone."
"But I will pay 1.25 and get two flavours in a waffle cone."
"I don't think that is on the menu."
"Well, why not?"

3. Getting blamed for your scooping technique.
"Can I get my kid a large Espresso Ice cream cone?"
(Really you want to give your kid Espresso Ice Cream...?)
The parent passes the cone to the kid, who you see begins to wave the cone in the air like a samurai sword.

2. Can I get the same but...
Boyfriend: Could I a scoop of Love boat in a Waffle cone?
Us: Yeah, sure. (Scoop) Here ya go.
Boyfriend: Thanks.
Girlfriend: Ummmmmmmmmmm...... Can I get the SAME?
Us: Okay -
Girlfriend: But can I get Chocolate and -
Us: In a Waffle Cone as well right -
Girlfriend: Ummmmmmm.... Yeah - no - a regular cone - actually just in a cup, but can I also get a scoop of Rocky as well?

1. Hurry-up, and wait.

Child and a parent, (again). The family walks in and instantly:

Parent: Okay. Hurry up and make a decision.

Kid looks around, bobbing around the front of the ice cream display.
Not ten seconds have passed and the parent is going beat red in the face, and his shoulders are rising to meet his ears in rage.

Parent: Come on! What would you like? Make a decision or we're going home.
Child: Umm -
Parent: Come on! Just make up your mind!
Child: But the pink one -
Parent: Did you want the pink one or what?
Child: What kind is the pink one?
Parent: It is Chuckberries!
Child: Chuck - ?
Parent: It is Strawberry! Okay it is Strawberry - would you like Strawberry?

It has been seriously less than a minute now, and the parent's asshole has begun to tighten, and his eyes are going red and I swear flames are going to shoot out of nostrils and burn his child.

Child: What's a college fund?

Parent is now looking like Chernobyl, and we're still under a minute thirty.
Child decides; turns out to be one of the nice ones.

Child: Can I please have a cone of Atomic Chocolate?
Me: Of course.
Parent: Thank you. Finally!

I pass the cone, which I have put a touch extra on.
Now, it's the Parent's turn.

Me: What would you like?
Parent: Ummm... is the Mystery Flavour Mango Sorbet.
Me: It is.
Parent: Could I try a little bit of that?
Me: Sure. (Waiting) Do you know what you would like?


Niki Diamonds said...


Dropkick said...

HAHAHA, nice!

Anonymous said...

Somebody needs a vacation. Order one from amazon.com

Withnail said...

Dear Anonymous, I search vacation and found only movie titles that included a cast of Chevy Chase.