Kiss Me Deadly, Part 3

Fate? A calling? I returned home last night to discover the all-time baddest-ass bicycle abandoned behind Segredos. Normally on Saturday nights, the Saab headlights illuminate some plastered Portuguese dude taking a piss against the wall but as I pulled into my parking spot tonight, this ugly broken-down contraption appeared - almost like a vision. I wheeled it's wounded carcass inside Segredos's outer ramparts, surveyed the awesome brutal beauty of it and instantly christened it “Mickey”, in honour of another previously spent pugilist that rose like a phoenix from the ashes to become awesome once again.

Boys... you have a new project. The restoration of what is clearly the most intimidating, most terrifying and most devastating bicycle ever to make an appearance on the Toronto's newly commissioned girly bike lanes. Money is no object. This is Satan's two-wheeled land-yacht and no expense shall be spared in returning it to its former evil glory. I'm thinking a Mad Max meets Pee Wee Herman death machine but I leave the details up to you. This bike is fear incarnate. It says “I fucking hate you and will run over you just to hear the screams” This was clearly the bicycle of a sadistic madman, so we'll need to change what it looks like fairly dramatically. If he finds it, God only known what he'll do to the current owner. I'd like Kadas's name and cell number engraved on it just to be safe.

Where should it be delivered Joe? When can the operations begin?


1 comment:

the coelacanth said...

bring it by my place anytime - if i'm not here, you can leave it in the backyard. perfect timing as robyn is away for a few days, so i can get started right away. i'm excited, and a little scared.