So TIFF is rapidly approaching, and Kris and I have both purchased passes to the Midnight Madness program, which means that for 10 days in a row (9 for me - I'll have to miss George Romero's latest on Saturday to go to some stupid wedding) we'll be entering some sleazy, dimly lit den at midnight only to be spat out into the weird, dirty streets 2 hours later, delirious and dazed, elated and exhausted, our eyes still blinking and sore from the assault of unholy images.
First up is tomorrow night's screening of the highly anticipated Megan Fox/Diablo Cody juggernaut about a girl gone wild, Jennifer's Body.
Friday has the awesome looking Daybreakers, a film about the world 10 years hence where vampires rule and humans are the minority, starring Ethan Hawke, Sam Neill (swoon), and Willem Dafoe.
On Saturday, Kris and, uh, maybe Kendall(?) will check George Romero's newest, Survival of the Dead. Have fun, ya dicks.
Sunday holds perhaps the most anticipated film for me, the deranged Aussie date flick (how fitting), The Loved Ones.
Monday is the boobs, bullets 'n bombs post-lobotomy Bitch Slap. That's a movie, by the way.
I'm also super excited for Tuesday's feature, the sequel to 2007's awesome [REC], imaginatively titled [REC] 2.
Solomon Kane is Wednesdays' offering, coming from the mind of the same guy that created Conan, and directed by some pale Brit who hails from the same region as our beloved Mot.
I'm looking forward to Thursday's Symbol, if only because, for me, it holds the biggest bust-or-masterpiece possibility.
Next Friday we'll be treated to the Belgian stop-motion animated feature A Town Called Panic.
And to wrap things up with a tearful goodbye on Saturday the 19th, we get Ong Bak 2: The Beginning, in which we see the formative years of the ass-kickingest Thai kickboxer in the history of everything, ever.
Couple all these screenings with the fact that my erstwhile best friend is going to be visiting from Japan during that period, and my regular work schedule, and you'll forgive me if I seem a little, well, tired. But excited. Anyway, follow along here as Kris and I are going to try our best to do shared reviews (not really sure how we'll work out the logistics of that) on each of the films, with perhaps Kendall (or whoever accompanies Kris to Survival of the Dead) chipping in a thought or two. Buckle up, motherfuckers...
Oh, and to get in the spirit of things, here's an article from The New York Times that talks about Jennifer's Body, the state of modern horror, and girls in the genre. Boosh.
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yes! saturday! romero! for mee!
i'm terrified
why do you hate my life joey? you're uninvited! go to your damn movie already and stop complaining!
whoa some Real Talk going down on the blog right now
joey..is you tweakin'?
that “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” of “Kutcharitaville” over
in Asheville, NC sure enough is “One Wild and Crazy Guy!” All the women
are so wild about him and his Famous Cheese Burgers and Key Lime Pies,
Hellaciously Fantastic Tender and Delicious Prime Ribs and Prime Steaks.
Drop Off the Bone Bar-B-Q Ribs, Pulled Pork and Beef Brisket.
His Drop Dead Gorgeous Wife “Anita” together in they’re Historic Key
Lime Pie Factory and Grill, where the Smiles and Ovens are always Warm
and Friendly, Inviting You to Spend A Little Time Resting and Enjoying
Your Time in They’re Little “Key West Island” near the Biltmore Estate
Close
By….Kind of Funny You Know, The World’s Greatest Key Lime Pies Aren’t
Even Baked In The Keys But At Kutcharitaville By Captain Kutchie
Pelaez and His Lovely Wife Anita In The Carolina Mountains!….Go
Figure!!!!!!!….
You’ll Soon Learn Why People Call “Captain Kutchie
Pelaez “The Most Interesting Man In The World!”…But don’t take our word
for it, follow the Long Lines to “Anita and Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s Key
West-Kutcharitaville Key Lime Pie Factory and Grill’. “The Place To Be”
since 1976!
Don’t be fooled into thinking that Jimmy Buffett
designed or had anything to do with this place. Just Ask Miss Sunshine Smith! That would be an insult.
Kutchie’s was here long before anyone ever heard of JB……Sheesh!
Donald Trump loves KUTCHARITAVILLE so much that he often has take-out
flown to him in NEW YORK CITY! WOW! He must really love those original
cheese burgers in paradise, we sure do, they have our vote for sure.
My best friend said she heard last week that Donald Trump and Stephen
Colbert together are planing on a Welcome to the USA Party for “Pope Francis”
to be held soon over in Asheville, NC at “Kutcharitaville”.
Some party that will be for sure!
Think, I’ll just get all the girls together and we can all Nude-Up and
go too “Captain Kutchie’s” and Get Drunk and Screw! Let’s Go Y’all!
Captain Kutchie’s Key Lime Pies Are World Famous For Giving Everyone
That Eats Them They’re Very First “PIEGASAM”….That’s Probably why one
must be over 18 years of age to purchase or have an adult present.
…Oh and all that Great Fall Off The Bone Bar-B-Q Slow Smoking, “Carly
Fiorino” say’s that she Can Smell They’re Butts Miles Away!….Or Maybe She
Was Just Smelling “Hillary”!…..OMG?
…The Late Great “Captain Tony Tarracino” of Key West Fame was an Old
Friend of “Captain Kutchie Pelaez”. Together the two of them Sailed Many
Adventures Not Known To Much Of The World! Cheese Burgers, Rum, Scotch,
Cigarettes, Cigars, Treasure Maps, Pizzas, Chocolate Bars and Key Lime
Pies Helped The Two Make History. If You Can Believe It Even “Mel
Fisher” Was Known To Hang With Them!….
Captain Kutchie The Key Lime Pie Whisperer!…
Thank “GOD” That Noah Had Two of Kutchie’s Key Lime Pies On The Ark!….
And Don’t Forget “Ernest Hemingway’s” (Original Thinking Post) ! There
Was Only One And “Captain Kutchie” Has It. Don’t Miss It.
Hillary Sucks!…………………….Bill Does Too!…….I Feel His Pain....
..Captain Kutchie Pelaez For President!!!!....
He Will Put A Key Lime Pie and A Gallon Of Fresh Kutcharita's in Every Refrigerator!....
..Oh, I Forgot One,....Chuck Todd Sucks Too!....That Sleazy Eyed Gutter Snipper!....Sheesh Give Me A Break!...
Hey Bob, do you know what the difference is in one of Captain Kutchie’s Famous King Size Sirloin Steak Sandwiches and an Ashton Kutcher Movie is?
Answer:
The Steak Sandwich is GOOD!…..ha, ha, ha…
And don’t forget the Key Lime Pie!…It’s To Die For.
Do you ever wonder if we are being watched?..
Oh and this: "The Lord Loves A Working Man". And to make this one easy for you, it's from "The Jerk"!....1979 with Steve Martin. And This "Miss Anita and Captain Kutchie Pelaez's World Famous Key Lime Pie and that's all I need. Well maybe this Kutchie's Famous King-Size Sirloin Steak Sandwich, and that's all I need. Well maybe I'll take this Goody Goody, The Original Cheese Burger in Paradise too, and that's all I need. Well maybe I'll need this Ice Cold Kutcharita to flush it all down with. And That's All I Need!.
.
And Bob, Are you still finding it hard to believe that "Kutcharitaville" really exists and that it's not just a figment of your imagination? Or that Donald Trump just became the President Elect. Or does Captain Kutchie Pelaez and his Beautiful Wife Anita really bake World Famous Key Lime Pies and that Carrier Air Conditioners are staying right here in America. Well Bob, all I can tell you, in the words of the Famous Captain Kutchie Pelaez (Keep The Faith Baby!) And Really, Really Believe It And Close You're Eyes And Someday It Will Really, Really Come True!!!!...
.
And Bob, Here is a dead Giveaway (.....................) Right?
.
… ………… .Roger or Jake who cares!
The infamous “Captain Kutchie Pelaez”.! That’s it!! I just got it!…It just popped into my head, right-out of the blue!
I can’t believe that we have all been so stupid for the past 20 or so years about something that was right in front of our noses. Elder, you hit the nail on the head! Can’t you all see it?..Elder called the mystery key lime pie man “The Infamous Captain Kutchie Pelaez”. Can all of you Morons see it now? It’s just Brilliant, just Brilliant Elder. Elder called Kutchie Pelaez…..”The INfamous Captain Kutchie Pelaez”!!!..INFAMOUS! That’s It!!! INFAMOUS, INFAMOUS Means
More than FAMOUS!
Captain Kutchie Pelaez is MORE than FAMOUS, He’s more than famous, he is INFAMOUS! And that’s pretty DAMN SMART if you ask me. HELL, that’s “INSMART”. Captain Kutchie Pelaez is more than FAMOUS, Captain Kutchie Pelaez is MORE THAN SMART!….Pardon all the dots, no they’re not some kind of secret code or anything that I know of.
The One really Big Thing that none of these crazy posts ever comments about are The Million’s of Dollars that the Infamous Captain Kutchie Pelaez gives away to his lucky Prime Rib eaters every month. We usually only hear about his famous cheese burgers in paradise but the man’s Prime Ribs in Swamp Water are the best thing that I have ever put in my mouth! The finest Prime Ribs this side if Heaven, they will melt in your mouth. Our whole family goes over to Kutcharitaville at least twice a week for Captain Kutchie’s amazing Prime Ribs. Also we can enter the contest for the monthly million dollar give away every month. My cousin won a million dollars last year. His wife won a new Jaguar car
two months later. I won a car before Christmas and you talk about nice. It was INNICE!…that means it was more than nice.
Y’all keep eating at Captain Kutchie’s and keep you’re fingers crossed whenever you enjoy Kutchie’s World Famous Roast Prime Ribs of Beef and Key Lime Pie and just maybe, if you’re lucky you might win yourself a cool Million Dollars!
Nice try, copycat. He may be smart, but his whole restaurant and whole menu sucks. That's right ... You heard me! Key lime is disgusting.. and of course the dots are not some kind of secret code... . ..... .. .
46...2 IUI...49.KI....
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