Franchises Available!

I drove past this little number today and after a brief struggle to regain control of my gag reflex, got to wondering what people with ugly babies do. Where do they shop? Do retail outlets aimed at merely average or, heaven forbid, below average babies exist? It's a valid question, isn't it?


I was reminded of the latest monthly DVD buyer's guide sent with last week's E1 order which identified each of about 50 or 60 upcoming releases with a “Reviewer's Grade”, I presume a sort of MetaCritic-styled summary of what various reviewers said about each film. The odd thing was the scale – Excellent, Very Good, Good and Average. Statistically, this just can't be. “Average” can't – but definition – be the lowest rating. It would seem we grade babies similarly. Impossibly, they all seem above average.

To expand upon this statistical anomaly, what if a baby is real good looking, but intellectually hopeless? What if they're not creative and just sit there, like little pink paper weights or something you use to prop the back door open? I think we're putting a lot of pressure on babies if we demand they all be above average. Are all the below average babies somewhere else? Is somewhere like Bulgaria or Orillia festooned with them and if so, what are their baby stores called? Hello Useless! Hey Dullard!

I think there's a huge opportunity here to focus an alternate Toronto baby store on merely adequate, homely, uncreative and/or marginal babies. The parents of these challenged little tykes would feel less intimidated in such a place and not have to hide their babies under blankets and in cat carriers anymore.

I'm certain this idea has legs with the right marketing strategy. A big weekly baby swap where you could trade up or something like that perhaps? The possibilities are endless.

Food for thought if the DVD industry completely tanks. We rent tons of shitty movies, so I think we're well-positioned to take that experience and build on it in a new ugly baby venture.  
 
Sporgey